I want to start out by expressing my amazement that this new moon marks six years since I started writing these letters, since our New Moon Women’s Gathering was first created. It is humbling and inspiring to think about how my life has changed these last six years, so much so because I started following and sharing the lunar and seasonal cycles. When this all started, I did not intentionally choose the Cancer new moon. It was the next one after I decided to try this out but even then, newbie as I was to this work, it seemed synchronistic and perfect. It feels more so today.
I have a whole new appreciation of Cancer. I always knew Cancer was the mama energy, the sensitive, emotional, nurturing caretaker. As a Gemini, I respected that someone had that role and was kinda happy it was not me, I grew up with a mother who had a Cancer moon, so I knew how loving this energy could be but really did not think I was capable of it. Even after I started learning more about astrology and found I had Venus in Cancer, I still felt unsure of how this cardinal water energy fit in to my life.
Now, six years after this circle started and almost one since my little Cancer baby boy was born, I am starting to have a better idea.
I read recently that all love is unconditional, anything else is just approval. It resonated with me, as did the idea that we have to add the “unconditional” to the word love to make it seem like something more. I am definitely someone who sought approval from those I loved, and assumed they wanted my approval. I mean, that is what love is, right? making each other happy, doing things and being what makes each other happy? Even though I grew up with parents who never seemed to hold expectations or conditional love, still, being very much part of the culture around me, I strive to do things “right” according to those whose love I sought.
It is funny and sad how untrue and unnecessary all that is.
If any sign embodies what it means to just love, it is Cancer. Cardinal water carries in the summer season, a time of abundance. To me, she feels like the ocean. What is more real than the ocean, just as passionate in her life giving as her life taking, cyclical, sensual, mysterious and powerful. I recall many times floating in her arms feeling as safe as if my own mom were holding me, then suddenly, the tide changes, and I am struggling to breathe and remain afloat. She is changeable and formidable, and yet nothing soothes or softens me like her breath and smell.
There is nothing I can do to make her calm when she is angry, or rile her up when she is glassy and smooth. She belongs to the earth, the moon, the pull of life. Consequently, she does not judge me when I am angry or happy, she rises to my feet just the same.
It’s complicated, this love. It is also simple. She is who she is and only offers herself. She does not try to please but loves with the full truth of her salty blood and ancient soul.
I am a mother now. I recognize these pullings and yearnings. I feel the rise and fall of my waves of emotion like never before. I love more deeply than I could ever have imagined, and yet my fear and anger also have heightened. It is all or nothing, this ocean/mother/love.
Either we love. Or we do not. It is not conditional. It is not approval. It is just… love. The biggest force on earth, much like the sea herself.
As the summer season waxes and the Cancer cycle opens, I hope we can all open ourselves to love like this. With all it’s fear and faults. This does not mean we do not take care of ourselves. When the tide is dangerous, we can choose not to swim, but it does not mean I love her any less.
Can we love ourselves this summer? Can we love our loves, our earth, our lives? Can we love unconditionally, recognizing that there is no need for gradation. I look at my sweet boy, as pure in his feelings and actions as the sun of his birth. I think of my mother, my first teacher on this path of love. I consider all the ceremonies, all the sacred circles and gatherings that were born under this magical new moon. I feel all the women who brought these circles to life with their laughter, tears, pain, joy and truth.
I am still learning how to live in this kind of love, without needing approval or setting conditions and expectation. But at this time, when the sun is close and warm, the wind is soft and the earth is full, with the support of all the sacred beings that surround me, I feel closer than ever before. Thank you for teaching me this love.
– Bekah Turner